What The Hell Is Going On Here?

As if yesterday wasn't strange enough, FMG posts about a Manzo piece that he LIKES. So instead of ripping on FMG for his off-base criticisms of Manzo, am I now gonna be ripping on him for his off-base praise?


Let's check it out.

Since we recently went into a hole and got shit-housed for a few days we decided to go back and review the magic that has been pouring from the pen of Manzo in our absence. 

Here are the opening words from the last 3 FMG posts:

1. Fire Manzo was on a little vacation/bender for a few days
2. We go on a simple drinking bender and look what we miss
3. Since we recently went into a hole and got shit-housed for a few days

We get it, dude. You love gettin' shitty. You don't have to tell us at a rate of 300%. Plus, I know what you were really doing. You were busy assembling a team of private investigators and procuring an assortment of surveillance equipment and remote keystroke recorders in an attempt to find out who I am and ruin my dinner last night!


Lo and behold what did we come across? Something that actually made us laugh out loud. From a Guess That Ass…

And the answer is Swiss model, Michelle Hunziker. I know nothing about her than she’s a Swiss model with a hot ass and a tattoo on her arm. Basically we have tons in common. Probably really hit it off. No awkward pauses, no name dropping, no nothing. She would tell me about her modelling career, I’d tell her about blogging. Just pure bliss all night, until the sun rises in the west.

Holy donkeycock Peteface that was actually a well crafted and funny blog… until the sun rises in the west… good line. This was sarcastic, self deprecating, just plain… funny.


I don't understand the use of random exclamations like "Holy donkeycock". It adds zero value to the post. It's not funny, it's strange. Just say, "wow". The only people who can get away with using inane exclamations are crazy and/or old people. Like if a 70 year old guy was walking barefoot at Castle Island and he stepped on a piece of gum I can totally picture him yelling, "Holy Donkeycock!" And what was so good about the "sun rises in the west" line? I guess by Manzo standards, the blog didn't suck. But I didn't laugh.

Here is the thing, sarcasm is simply the hardest type of humor to properly convey with the written word. It is difficult in person sometimes even. .

Ohhhhhh reaaallllllyy? Sarcasm is sooooo hard to convey with the written word. Sorry, I couldn't resist doing that.
Ok, so this is unexpected. Why did this blog turn into a tutorial on sarcasm? What else does FMG have to say about sarcasm? I'm dying to know. <----- Sarcasm


Without facial expressions and mannerisms there has to be a much wider gap between said sarcasm and the truth. Sometimes a visual such as a simple smirk and head nod will make someone aware of sarcasm, both of which are quite simply impossible with prose.


So it sounds like what FMG is saying here is that verbal sarcasm is all good as long as you're willing to fake a small stroke. But if you're gonna go written, you gotta go big. It's gotta be obvious because as FMG so deftly points out to us; it's quite simply impossible to smirk or nod using pen and paper. You have to use your actual head and face. So I'm sure you're all wondering "just how big of a gap does there have to be between said sarcasm and the truth?" Well, who among us hasn't typed out a sarcastic text message and stared at it for 10 minutes before sending? Wondering if it was going to go over as intended or if you were gonna feel like an asshole for the rest of the day because of it. I've mapped out two different text message scenarios which should illustrate to you the acceptable gap size between said sarcasm and the truth.


Scenario 1: Written Sarcasm Fail
Boyfriend: Hey, we still on for tonight?
Girlfriend: No, sorry. My dad got called into work and I have to babysit my little brother. Blah.
BF: Oh. You seem pretty excited about it.
GF: What? No. Baby, I really wanted to go out with you tonight.
BF: I was being sarcastic.
GF: Oh. About my dad? or my brother?
BF: No. About you being excited.
GF: Baby, i was excited. I was really looking forward to our date.
BF: What time can I come over?
GF: After 9.


Scenario 2: Written Sarcasm Success

Boyfriend: Hey, we still on for tonight?

Girlfriend: OMG. I can't. My brother got hit by a car today and has been in ICU since 10am. Baby, the doctors said he might lose his leg! My family is devastated!

BF: Oh. You seem pretty excited about it.

GF: LOL!

This is an interesting development in the Manzo watch. Not unlike the day he actually didn’t suck, this may be scientific evidence that Manzo is actually a funny guy. He is definitely a shitty writer, but what does it mean if he is a funny guy but just a shitty writer?
If I had to guess, I'd say Manzo wouldn't be a bad guy to hang out with and he'd probably be good for some laughs. I bet the Louigi story comes off much better in person (not being sarcastic).

This could actually make sense, maybe Manzo is really hilarious in person? Maybe his humor is just drastic sarcasm that gets lost in composition? Take the prior example for instance… It is sarcasm that is actually finally discernible by a reader, and it is fucking funny.
Wait. Didn't FMG earlier say that written sarcasm needs to be drastic? But now Manzo's drastic sarcasm is his tragic flaw? I must be missing something.

P.S. He still sucks 99.768% of the time.

Poor Peteface.